Have you ever had a conversation with someone who isn’t even sitting in front of you? You are alone, but somehow you’re explaining yourself to them, defending something they misunderstood, imagining what they would say, and then creating your own reply to it.

Sometimes I feel we spend more time talking to people in our heads than we ever did in real life. Maybe because some things don’t really end when the conversation ends. They stay somewhere inside us. We keep going back to that one moment thinking, “I should have said this,” or “Why didn’t I just explain it properly?” We want the other person to understand our side, apologise, or give us the ending we were hoping for. But what if they never do? Maybe closure isn’t always something another person can give you. Sometimes you have to reach a point where you say, okay, I may never get the answer I wanted, but I don’t want to keep living inside this question anymore. Because honestly, some of the most tiring conversations are the ones that only exist in our heads.

Lately, I’ve also been thinking about how strange it can feel when someone actually treats you well. You would think it would feel comforting, but sometimes it doesn’t. You start wondering why they’re being nice, what they want, when they’ll change, or when you’ll finally see the side you’ve been warned about. Maybe we get attached to what we know, even when what we know has hurt us. If you’ve spent enough time around chaos, a peaceful person can almost feel suspicious. If you’re used to inconsistency, someone being consistent might even feel boring. “Kabhi kabhi sukoon bhi ajeeb lagta hai”. And maybe healing isn’t only about finding better people. Maybe it’s also about learning how to sit with someone good without constantly searching for the problem. To believe that kindness doesn’t always come with a hidden condition. To let someone care about you without immediately asking yourself, “What do they really want from me?”

But I also think healing is complicated because sometimes we don’t walk away from people because we don’t care. We walk away because we feel too much. When emotions become overwhelming, creating distance can feel safer than sitting in a conversation we don’t know how to handle. We may not have the right words, we may be scared of saying the wrong thing, or we may simply need time to understand what is happening inside us. The problem is, the person on the other side doesn’t always see it that way. They may take your silence personally, see it as ego, immaturity, or a lack of interest. And what feels like self-protection to one person can feel like rejection to another. That’s where things become complicated where running feels easier than being vulnerable when you’re already emotionally flooded. And the sad part is, people rarely see what is happening inside you. They only see the distance.

Maybe healing is understanding that the person in front of you is not the person who hurt you. You can remember the past without expecting it to happen again. You can feel overwhelmed without running away. You can ask for space without making someone feel abandoned. And maybe, just maybe, you can let something good be good. Because not everything that feels unfamiliar is dangerous. Sometimes, peace just feels strange because you’ve never been allowed to live in it for long.

Maybe closure is just finally letting it go…and letting my brain rest too.

LOL Good night!